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Guitar Discussions -> New Song - Please Critique!
There are 11 messages in this thread.
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New Song - Please Critique! - gretsch27 - 6-:17 -0-09-20
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I've significantly reworked an old song of mine into this. The whole
idea is supposed to be "the ether." I'm using this word to symbolize
1.) the mass media/commercialism machine 2.) anesthetic, and make the
point that the amount of media that surrounds us can function as an
anesthetic. The lyrics are weak in some plaves - mainly the verses.
I'm going to tweak them here and there. I worked very hard on crafting
the chorus. I really liked it at first, but now it seems flat to me. I
have been back and forth on this song for so long, that I need to get
some outside criticism. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, but
please be constructive. You can listen to the song at
www.aether-studios.com/files/broadcast.mp3
can you hear me? testing 2..3..
i'm getting tired of the same tv shows
the lastest crazes, the pretty faces
it's been a while and its time to let go
breaking stories
every morning
level orange just to keep us all scared
television
tunnelvision
its all around you, but you can't see where
Chorus:
and singing
turn off the noise cause this is our anthem
chaos and war is that what we've become?
panic today the ether is real
now scream above the noise
"can you drown me out?!"
politicians on a mission
stealing money from the laborer's pay
constitution, revolution
whatever happened to the american way?
And I'm breaking away
get me out of this place
is this some kind of new sensation
Panic today
Everybody's OK
Oh, I wish I could change the station
and they really don't care
so i guess i don't care
cause i scream above the noise
i feel so apathetic
sonic anesthetic
change the frequency
and sing this song with me
can you drown me
can you drown me out?
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - dvaoa - 6-:17 -0-09-20
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On Jun 17, 10:10=A0pm, gretsch27 <gretsc...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I've significantly reworked an old song of mine into this. The whole
> idea is supposed to be "the ether." I'm using this word to symbolize
> 1.) the mass media/commercialism machine 2.) anesthetic, and make the
> point that the amount of media that surrounds us can function as an
> anesthetic. The lyrics are weak in some plaves - mainly the verses.
> I'm going to tweak them here and there. I worked very hard on crafting
> the chorus. I really liked it at first, but now it seems flat to me. I
> have been back and forth on this song for so long, that I need to get
> some outside criticism. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, but
> please be constructive. You can listen to the song atwww.aether-studios.c=
om/files/broadcast.mp3
>
> can you hear me? testing 2..3..
> i'm getting tired of the same tv shows
> the lastest crazes, the pretty faces
> it's been a while and its time to let go
>
> breaking stories
> every morning
> level orange just to keep us all scared
> television
> tunnelvision
> its all around you, but you can't see where
>
> Chorus:
> and singing
> turn off the noise cause this is our anthem
> chaos and war is that what we've become?
> panic today the ether is real
> now scream above the noise
> "can you drown me out?!"
>
> politicians on a mission
> stealing money from the laborer's pay
> constitution, revolution
> whatever happened to the american way?
>
> And I'm breaking away
> get me out of this place
> is this some kind of new sensation
>
> Panic today
> Everybody's OK
> Oh, I wish I could change the station
> and they really don't care
> so i guess i don't care
> cause i scream above the noise
>
> i feel so apathetic
> sonic anesthetic
> change the frequency
> and sing this song with me
>
> can you drown me
> can you drown me out?
Hey, you the guy from Worcester? Good stuff, nice pop/punk feel,
great voice, radio ready. I always liked your songs. This one
reminds me of a Christian rock tune we just did at our church gig
called Children of God by Stephen Curtis Chapman:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DclmDfTaMyj0
(The song starts at 3:35)
-d
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - wardick - 6-:17 -0-09-20
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On Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:10:03 -0700 (PDT), gretsch27
<gretsch27@gmail.com> wrote:
>I've significantly reworked an old song of mine into this. The whole
>idea is supposed to be "the ether." I'm using this word to symbolize
>1.) the mass media/commercialism machine 2.) anesthetic, and make the
>point that the amount of media that surrounds us can function as an
>anesthetic. The lyrics are weak in some plaves - mainly the verses.
>I'm going to tweak them here and there. I worked very hard on crafting
>the chorus. I really liked it at first, but now it seems flat to me. I
>have been back and forth on this song for so long, that I need to get
>some outside criticism. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, but
>please be constructive. You can listen to the song at
>www.aether-studios.com/files/broadcast.mp3
All I can say it that it reminded me of blink 82 (I think) and it
didn't suck. Beyond that I don't know since I struggle putting my
own stuff together.
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - RichL - 6-:17 -0-09-20
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wardick <null@null.net> wrote:
> All I can say it that it reminded me of blink 82 (I think) and it
> didn't suck. Beyond that I don't know since I struggle putting my
> own stuff together.
Yeah now that you mention it, it did have somewhat of a blink 182 vibe
to it but it didn't suck as bad as 182.
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - RichL - 6-:17 -0-09-20
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gretsch27 <gretsch27@gmail.com> wrote:
> I've significantly reworked an old song of mine into this. The whole
> idea is supposed to be "the ether." I'm using this word to symbolize
> 1.) the mass media/commercialism machine 2.) anesthetic, and make the
> point that the amount of media that surrounds us can function as an
> anesthetic. The lyrics are weak in some plaves - mainly the verses.
> I'm going to tweak them here and there. I worked very hard on crafting
> the chorus. I really liked it at first, but now it seems flat to me. I
> have been back and forth on this song for so long, that I need to get
> some outside criticism. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, but
> please be constructive. You can listen to the song at
> www.aether-studios.com/files/broadcast.mp3
>
> can you hear me? testing 2..3..
> i'm getting tired of the same tv shows
> the lastest crazes, the pretty faces
> it's been a while and its time to let go
>
> breaking stories
> every morning
> level orange just to keep us all scared
> television
> tunnelvision
> its all around you, but you can't see where
>
> Chorus:
> and singing
> turn off the noise cause this is our anthem
> chaos and war is that what we've become?
> panic today the ether is real
> now scream above the noise
> "can you drown me out?!"
>
> politicians on a mission
> stealing money from the laborer's pay
> constitution, revolution
> whatever happened to the american way?
>
> And I'm breaking away
> get me out of this place
> is this some kind of new sensation
>
> Panic today
> Everybody's OK
> Oh, I wish I could change the station
> and they really don't care
> so i guess i don't care
> cause i scream above the noise
>
> i feel so apathetic
> sonic anesthetic
> change the frequency
> and sing this song with me
>
> can you drown me
> can you drown me out?
I liked it! This isn't my favorite genre by any means, but I think the
lyrics and melody are good. If it were me, I'd try to do a few things
to make the guitar riffs a little more interesting and break out of the
genre's limitations a bit. Just my opinion.
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - McGarnagle - 6-:18 -0-09-20
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On Wed, 17 Jun 2009 19:10:03 -0700 (PDT), gretsch27
<gretsch27@gmail.com> wrote:
>I've significantly reworked an old song of mine into this. The whole
>idea is supposed to be "the ether." I'm using this word to symbolize
>1.) the mass media/commercialism machine 2.) anesthetic, and make the
>point that the amount of media that surrounds us can function as an
>anesthetic. The lyrics are weak in some plaves - mainly the verses.
>I'm going to tweak them here and there. I worked very hard on crafting
>the chorus. I really liked it at first, but now it seems flat to me. I
>have been back and forth on this song for so long, that I need to get
>some outside criticism. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, but
>please be constructive. You can listen to the song at
>www.aether-studios.com/files/broadcast.mp3
>
I think its good. I agree it sounds (mainly the singer) like Blink 182
or Bowling For Soup (do they have the same singer? The voice
definitely fits the music.
As far as the lyrics, I didn't even really listen. I think they are
fine. I'm not one to listen to a song and then ponder and wonder what
it means. I don't like to think, I just want to escape and be
entertained. You hit the right notes and they don't become intrusive
to the rest of the song.
Another good thing is I had no problem listening to all of it. there
is no long intro and it doesn't drag on etc.. You come in quick, pull
no punches and get the fuck out. Sometimes, not the easy thing to do.
Mix wise I think the guitar is a bit strong compared to everything
else, but at the same time, it doesn't seem to hurt. I would like more
separation of bass and the drums more in front, but again, it may take
away from what I already hear.
Also see:
My Chemical Romance: The Black Tirade
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H8KI0d2cHw
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - gretsch27 - 6-:18 -0-09-20
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On Jun 17, 11:16=A0pm, "RichL" <rpleav...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> gretsch27 <gretsc...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > I've significantly reworked an old song of mine into this. The whole
> > idea is supposed to be "the ether." I'm using this word to symbolize
> > 1.) the mass media/commercialism machine 2.) anesthetic, and make the
> > point that the amount of media that surrounds us can function as an
> > anesthetic. The lyrics are weak in some plaves - mainly the verses.
> > I'm going to tweak them here and there. I worked very hard on crafting
> > the chorus. I really liked it at first, but now it seems flat to me. I
> > have been back and forth on this song for so long, that I need to get
> > some outside criticism. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, but
> > please be constructive. You can listen to the song at
> >www.aether-studios.com/files/broadcast.mp3
>
> > can you hear me? testing 2..3..
> > i'm getting tired of the same tv shows
> > the lastest crazes, the pretty faces
> > it's been a while and its time to let go
>
> > breaking stories
> > every morning
> > level orange just to keep us all scared
> > television
> > tunnelvision
> > its all around you, but you can't see where
>
> > Chorus:
> > and singing
> > turn off the noise cause this is our anthem
> > chaos and war is that what we've become?
> > panic today the ether is real
> > now scream above the noise
> > "can you drown me out?!"
>
> > politicians on a mission
> > stealing money from the laborer's pay
> > constitution, revolution
> > whatever happened to the american way?
>
> > And I'm breaking away
> > get me out of this place
> > is this some kind of new sensation
>
> > Panic today
> > Everybody's OK
> > Oh, I wish I could change the station
> > and they really don't care
> > so i guess i don't care
> > cause i scream above the noise
>
> > i feel so apathetic
> > sonic anesthetic
> > change the frequency
> > and sing this song with me
>
> > can you drown me
> > can you drown me out?
>
> I liked it! =A0This isn't my favorite genre by any means, but I think the
> lyrics and melody are good. =A0If it were me, I'd try to do a few things
> to make the guitar riffs a little more interesting and break out of the
> genre's limitations a bit. =A0Just my opinion.
dvaoa:
Thanks! Yes i'm the guy from worcester. Are you from mass? I listened
to that song - it's pretty good. I don't see the similarity with mine,
but it's got some great melodies.
Rich:
I agree with you on the riff. I haven't been able to cram anything
else in there, and I haven't tried because the song to me feels like
its pretty packed with a lot of ideas, and I'm not sure if its simple
enough. There are a lot of different melodies, and I don't know if
they're cohesive enough. Also, I took a look back at some critiques of
my other songs and saw one of yours from a while ago. You put your
son's website in there, and I decided to drop him a line. I figured he
would have a trained ear for this genre, yes?
McGarnagle:
You are right, the guitars are pretty strong, and the drums are a
little quiet. I'll change things +/- 1db or so. I like to keep the
guitars out in front with the vocals to make it more raw sounding. My
voice isn't as raw as i'd like it to be.
I'm a fan of some of blink 182's stuff. They have some great choruses.
Their lyrics are generally awful, and their live set is downright
offensive though... I'm glad I can pull off the sound without turning
you away!
Thanks everyone.
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - RichL - 6-:18 -0-09-20
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gretsch27 <gretsch27@gmail.com> wrote:
> Rich:
> I agree with you on the riff. I haven't been able to cram anything
> else in there, and I haven't tried because the song to me feels like
> its pretty packed with a lot of ideas, and I'm not sure if its simple
> enough. There are a lot of different melodies, and I don't know if
> they're cohesive enough. Also, I took a look back at some critiques of
> my other songs and saw one of yours from a while ago. You put your
> son's website in there, and I decided to drop him a line. I figured he
> would have a trained ear for this genre, yes?
Oh yeah, definitely! That stuff is his bread and butter.
Let me know if he doesn't respond, I'll pester him so he knows you're
not a spammer :-)
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - gretsch27 - 6-:18 -0-09-20
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On Jun 18, 11:48=A0am, "RichL" <rpleav...@yahoo.com> wrote:
> gretsch27 <gretsc...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > Rich:
> > I agree with you on the riff. I haven't been able to cram anything
> > else in there, and I haven't tried because the song to me feels like
> > its pretty packed with a lot of ideas, and I'm not sure if its simple
> > enough. There are a lot of different melodies, and I don't know if
> > they're cohesive enough. Also, I took a look back at some critiques of
> > my other songs and saw one of yours from a while ago. You put your
> > son's website in there, and I decided to drop him a line. I figured he
> > would have a trained ear for this genre, yes?
>
> Oh yeah, definitely! =A0That stuff is his bread and butter.
> Let me know if he doesn't respond, I'll pester him so he knows you're
> not a spammer :-)
will do. thanks!
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Re: New Song - Please Critique! - Don Evans - 6-:19 -0-09-20
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"gretsch27" <gretsch27@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:169bd534-d1a3-4215-945c-4bb871810404@t21g2000yqi.googlegroups.com...
> I've significantly reworked an old song of mine into this. The whole
> idea is supposed to be "the ether." I'm using this word to symbolize
> 1.) the mass media/commercialism machine 2.) anesthetic, and make the
> point that the amount of media that surrounds us can function as an
> anesthetic. The lyrics are weak in some plaves - mainly the verses.
> I'm going to tweak them here and there. I worked very hard on crafting
> the chorus. I really liked it at first, but now it seems flat to me. I
> have been back and forth on this song for so long, that I need to get
> some outside criticism. Don't worry about hurting my feelings, but
> please be constructive. You can listen to the song at
> www.aether-studios.com/files/broadcast.mp3
>
> can you hear me? testing 2..3..
> i'm getting tired of the same tv shows
> the lastest crazes, the pretty faces
> it's been a while and its time to let go
>
> breaking stories
> every morning
> level orange just to keep us all scared
> television
> tunnelvision
> its all around you, but you can't see where
>
> Chorus:
> and singing
> turn off the noise cause this is our anthem
> chaos and war is that what we've become?
> panic today the ether is real
> now scream above the noise
> "can you drown me out?!"
>
> politicians on a mission
> stealing money from the laborer's pay
> constitution, revolution
> whatever happened to the american way?
>
> And I'm breaking away
> get me out of this place
> is this some kind of new sensation
>
> Panic today
> Everybody's OK
> Oh, I wish I could change the station
> and they really don't care
> so i guess i don't care
> cause i scream above the noise
>
> i feel so apathetic
> sonic anesthetic
> change the frequency
> and sing this song with me
>
> can you drown me
> can you drown me out?
It's good! More drums! I think the "flat" aspect is partly the lack of
dynamics in the guitar tracks, and partly the lack of punch in the rhythm
section. Somehow you have to make more space for the song to come through
as well. Right now the guitars sort of pad rather than punch. I think that
better, tighter performance in the guitars would help, along with some
arrangement adjustment, to make the chorus bigger than the verse.
Don
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